Ice skating is just walking in cursive.
Novell
I shook the vending machine until my chips fell, so yeah, I’m a hunter-gatherer
Novell
They say your memory is the first thing to... something...
The friend-zone is the only place that has more deflated balls than a patriots game.
Robert Zunick
Your lights are on but I see someone’s been playing with your dimmer switch.
Novell
If there’s one piece of advice I can give you it’s to marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than you so they wont eat all of yours.
I broke a mirror now I'm looking at 7 years bad luck... but my lawyer thinks he can get me off with 3