WTF Statuses

I shurvivfed the dentisht wivout any notishable shide affecshss

Wifey says I should use the term "make love" instead of "f*ck.". What the make love is she talking about?

I just got the results of my IQ test. It came back negative.

Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and then six months later you have to do it all over again.

My mother always told me as a child that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now as an adult I’m facing sexual harassment charges. Gee, Thanks mom!

The prosecutor calls it “peeping tom”. My defense lawyer calls it a “highly active member of the neighborhood watch.”