I think retail therapy should be covered by health insurance. It is therapy after all.
My wife told me a turducken was as close to a threesome as I’m ever going to get.
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I’m making important life decisions.
You add about as much value as the "g" in lasagna.
If you're feeling too good about yourself, go ask a 5 yr old to guess your age. That should even things out.
Someone should invent a clear toaster so we can see how toasted our toast is while it's toasting.
You can test my patience all you want, but I’m never going to pass.