Robert Zunick
Confucius says Love one another. If it doesn't work, just interchange the last two words.
Robert Zunick
Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
Amigo
If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I’m very skilled at shooting aliens this way.
Amigo
Get at least eight hours of beauty sleep, 9 if you're ugly.
Traci Schanck
I'm not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
Amigo
The older I get, the more badly I realize I need adult supervision.
Me: "We decided we don't really want to have kids." Her: "Don't you already have 2?" Me: "Yeah..."