WTF Statuses

I bet some of you would absolutely kill it in a race where you had to jump over obstacles while looking at your phone.

And then God said, “Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I’ll give women the power over which to control it.”

Mosquitos are like family. Annoying but they carry your blood.

When someone says to me great minds think alike, I just look at them and think “you dirty bastard”.

I didn't give you the finger...you earned it.

I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.

Remember when the “M” in “MTV” stood for music and not morons?