Amigo
I’m that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.
Amigo
We never really grow up, we just learn how to act in public.
Amigo
You can look at some people and instantly know they’re only going to get two awards in life, a birth and a death certificate.
Amigo
“Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's an Instagram filter.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.