Amigo
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you’ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief.
Amigo
I’ve robbed banks before…and they’re never getting their pens back
Amigo
At any given time my wallet is worth more than its contents.
K Psi
My ex used to treat me like a God (she only thought of me when she needed something and forgot about me when things were going well)
Amigo
I’m going to start wearing Summer’s Eve as a cologne. The vast majority of beautiful women seem to be attracted to douches.
Amigo
“Careful, there’s poop on the dance floor.” – how ballet was invented.
Amigo
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them