It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.
When my cat recoils from my kisses is when I know she takes after my wife.
If we shook out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we could end world hunger.
Amigo
I finally found a diet plan that works. It’s called “The cost of food”.
Amigo
I wish mirrors and pictures would get together already and agree on what I really look like.
Amigo
If you can’t say anything nice, we should probably be friends.
Last night I saw a snuggie commercial, I thought it was a stupid idea, but I couldn't change the channel because I was under a blanket and I didn't want my arms to get cold