You'd think Pizza Hut would be able to upgrade to a house by now.
Manish Gosain
If your problem can’t be solved by me saying “damn” and nodding a lot, then you shouldn’t come to me for help.
E.B. FlipShank
Sometimes when I'm bored I like to go to the mall, find a great parking spot, and just sit in my car with the reverse lights on.
It’s amazing how long you can hold your farts at the beginning of a relationship.
Nothing bonds women faster than finding out that they hate the same people.
E.B. FlipShank
Everyday I run into someone who pushes me past the limits of my medication.
Jackamus
The pollen is so bad this year that the trailer park people are changing crystal meth back into Sudafed.