Home is where the pants aren't.
I still water my dead plants every 3 months. Just in case...
I remember when "selfies" were called "nobody else wants to take my picture."
I want to ki██ you. (options may vary)
Me: Yes, 911? My wife is going into labor, what do I do? 911: Relax sir, is this her first child? Me: No, this is her husband.
They seriously need an express lane at the Bank for those of us who have less than $100 dollars in our checking account.
The search for Flight 370 was declared "the most difficult in human history". Amelia Earhart could not be reached for comment.