Amigo
Getting old sucks. I use to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I feel more like a bounced check.
VSnake
You know, they got a luggage store in the airport? A place to buy a piece of luggage? How late do you have to be for a flight where you’re like, ‘Screw it – just grab a pile of stuff. We’ll get a bag at the airport’.
VSnake
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?
I just spent hours connecting all of my watches together to make a belt. It was a complete waist of time.
A week is five days of wishing you had nothing to do followed by two days of wishing you had something to do.
Jack & Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. However, if you sponsor Jack & Jill for just $2 a month we will dig a well in their village.
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.