The best things in life are free, but they still screw you on shipping.
Sorry I shot your minivan, but it's hunting season and it had antlers.
The best part of time travel will be sleeping until noon and making it to work on time at 8am.
I'd better check my phone for texts from friends. *checks phone* Well, I'd better get some friends...
Amigo
Impotence is nature's way of saying "no hard feelings".
I don't know about you, but I've thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.
Dear college students, Sorry about your GPA. - Netflix