I thought 70 was the new 50, but the cop still gave me a ticket.
I only use the outdoors to get to another indoors.
The next time there's an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
Friday is my second favorite "F" word
Amigo
Some say there is no difference between "complete" and "finished". Let me explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand." When you marry the right woman, you are "complete". If you marry the wrong woman, you are "finished". And, when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are "completely finished".
We can operate a robot on another planet, but yet I'm still struggling to get this vending machine to take my wrinkled dollar.
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always like to write: "Last warning, you have a week to get the rest of the money together."