Santa Clause has the right idea. Visit people once a year.
Peace on earth would be nice, but not gaining 20 pounds over the holidays would be a Christmas miracle.
Nillers
There are 364 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable.
What did I get for Christmas? Fat...
I feel bad for people that have to work today. It's like you have 2 Mondays this week...
I deserve an Oscar for my performance in "Holy crap this is a terrible gift but I'll pretend to love it."
I saw my ex getting beaten up by half a dozen thugs. For a second, I thought, "Should I help?" Then I thought, "Nah. Six should be enough..."