I donate blood 5 times a year just so I'm less and less related to some of my relatives.
I’m only a morning person on December 25th.
I have this condition that causes me to eat when I can't sleep. It's called insom-nom-nom-nom-nia
Guys, want to find out all of your flaws in under a minute? Just ask your girlfriend if she's gained weight.
I need a Shazam app for people I'm supposed to recognize but can't remember
Jail is just the government's way of sending you to your room.
When I wrap gifts myself, I tell everyone a child did it so it's adorable instead of pathetic.