I don't always find a song I love, but when I do, I run it so far into the ground I start to despise it.
When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning", I sleep in until noon. I'm a problem solver.
My most frequent walk of shame is from one bathroom to the other with the plunger
Happiness comes from within. That's why it always feels so good to fart.
Good Liam Neeson jokes are always Taken. Although, the crappy ones are Taken 2.
For Christmas I just want summer...
I'd rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds it takes to wash the dish that doesn't fit.