Buddhists party hard 'cause YOL∞.
I fall sleep easier naked. Why can’t the flight attendants understand this?
Amigo
I don't know if getting everything I want would make me happy, but the opposite is not working at all!
I drank so much vodka yesterday I woke up with a Russian accent
A tiny part of me hopes the guy on the Clif Bar wrapper falls.
Do you think people in Mexico ever say, "Those jobs keep stealing all our Mexicаns!"
The lyrics to “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” are basically two people singing the opening scene to an episode of Law & Order: SVU