Whoever said 'you are your own worst critic' apparently never posted a video on Youtube.
Being an adult is a lot like going to the vet. We're all excited for the ride until we realize what it's like where we're going.
I've tried everything to get to sleep. Well, except for shutting off my phone and closing my eyes. Let's not get too crazy...
I don't care how the future pans out, from now on all Amazon deliveries are called drone strikes.
I don't have ex's I have Y's. "Y the hell did I date you?"
Every year I stay single, my life gets closer and closer to a real life Kathy comic.
My mother's last words were "You can be such a pain sometimes." I mean, she's still alive, I just haven't talked to her since then.