Friday gets way too much credit. I'm still at work, right?
My wife thinks I can read minds. Well, she hasn’t said it out loud yet.
Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their doors..
The best part about growing old with you is that I'll always be the younger one.
I have ADHD so bad that I should probably never throw a boomerang...
I hope my nintendogs are alright. I haven’t fed them in 6 years.
The only member of my family with a personal trainer is the dog.