When one door closes, another one opens; that's the main reason I'm convinced my house is haunted.
Just saw a doctor eating an apple. My whole life is a lie.
The only difference between Mcdonald's and my work is Mcdonald's has only got one clown running the show..
Got hammered last night but still had the good sense to take a cab home. The problem now is how am I going to return it without getting into trouble...
OK, I'm not an advertising specialist but seriously McDonald's, what the hell were you thinking?!? Somebody asked me the other day if I'd tried a McDonald's McWrap. I said "Why would I eat something called McCrap?!?"
People in movies act like they've never seen a movie.
Most days I feel like three kids stacked up on each other’s shoulders, covered by a huge coat, trying to pass as one of all these grown-ups.