Facebook is like prison. You write on walls all day and get poked by people you don't know.
Playing the Canadian version of Angry Birds. It's called: Sorry-for-the Misunderstanding Birds.
When you really want to slap someone, do it and yell "Mosquito!"
You know what they say about big feet: clown.
My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says "declined" whenever you use it.
Hey guys! I live in a soundproof house with no doors or windows and I'd just like to thank all 900 of you for your status updates telling me there's a storm outside because I wouldn't have known otherwise and I like to keep in touch with the world. Thank you very much!
Thunder sounds like highly constipated clouds.