Its funny how head and shoulders becomes head, shoulders, knees and toes, when I run out of body wash.
I'm writing this from the hospital. Don't worry! The doctors say I'm going to be ok, but I must warn you. They Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name!
Hats off to Jeff Goldblum, Will Smith, and that alcoholic crop duster for saving the world 16 years ago today - thanks guys!
Being a father is a lot like being the least powerful Vice President in history.
If people were meant to pop out of bed first thing in the morning, we'd all sleep in toasters.
Michael Mendoza
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?
I always thought GTFO meant Great, Terrific, Fantastic, & Outstanding... so, I guess all those people weren't paying me compliments after all!