WTF Statuses

My doctor prescribed me medicinal marijuana to treat constipation. He told me to shit or get off the pot.
Note to self: A cops' favorite two words are; "Make Me." avoid these next time.
On the internet, you can be anything you want. It's strange that so many people choose to be stupid.
You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. This is doubly true if you are a man.
Each day is like a gift. A gift from someone who doesn't know your size and doesn't bother to include the receipt.
The last time she got 100% on a test it involved peeing on a stick.
If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable.
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