Dave Asten
Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example: I am going to the liquor store and I'm scared that it's closed.
I like it when I buy a bag of air, and the company is nice enough to put some chips in it.
The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn't the hygiene, but that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly plan.
Dave Asten
The best thing about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that lonely bed of yours. Left, right, middle, whatever.
Dave Asten
Ten years from now, one of the hardest challenges our kids will face will be finding a username that's still available.
Dave Asten
Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.
Every time I go to the pool in my bathing suit I can feel all the women dressing me with their eyes.