Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
I would rather get naked and do jumping jacks in public than show any literate person my Google search history.
Socks have the highest divorce rate.
If you do it right the first time, they'll ask you to do it again.
If people winked in real life as much as they do in texts, the world would be a really creepy place.
HD porn is so clear that you can actually see how disappointed their parents are.
Someone asked me "Who do you prefer, Chris Brown or Rihanna?" In hindsight, I shouldn't have replied, "Chris Brown beats Rihanna every time."