I was driving myself crazy trying to remember Rihanna's ex boyfriend's name. Then it hit me.
Before you marry a lawyer, remember you're about to marry someone who's been professionally trained to argue.
Snooki's pregnant? But she's always been so responsible...
If my job application was an accurate depiction of me, I'd be one amazing individual.
If you pronounce the first letter of an ethnicity like eye-talian, and aye-rab, there’s a good chance you’re eye-gnorant
No matter what amazing things you accomplish or how fantastic you are, a cat will always think it is better than you.
Just scratched my crotch while trying to swat a fly and four people told me I was a good dancer.