Next time you're in a hospital elevator, calmly ask a stranger if they know what floor you should get off at for infectious diseases.
Dear 3 am, we've got to stop meeting this way... I'd much rather sleep with you.
Jesus may love you, but everyone else thinks you suck!
If my only two choices are go big or go home, I'm gonna go home.
Math puns are the first sine of madness.
Words with Friends would be more accurate if it was called Scrabble with a bunch of cheaters.
I wish I was the person my dog thinks I am.