When I really need a good laugh, I just imagine Edward Scissorhands attempting to eat crab legs.
The only people who really love change are wet babies.
I'm gonna start a band called "free beer" so that when people see a sign that says free beer @9pm everyone will be there.
When people ask me what's the one thing I'd bring to a deserted island is, I think its pretty obvious. A boat...
The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop it a line.
Hey verification code, I have no idea what the hell that says but I swear I'm human.
Dress up as stormtrooper. Go into cellphone store. Find the droid you're looking for.