You can't expect me to stick to my resolution to give up booze. I was drunk when I made it.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Jehovah's witnesses would probably be welcomed into more houses if they brought Girl Scout cookies.
I make my own luck. It's mostly bad but still.
Wanna know if you're poor? Check the drawers in the kitchen. If you find a ketchup packet you're poor.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the fire department usually uses water.
Romeo and Juliet is just another example of why communication is so crucial in a relationship.