WTF Statuses

Ideas are funny little things, they won't work unless you do.
I know alcohol is never the answer, but it's always my best guess!
All I want is a job where I can take credit for somebody else's work.
I can't even get motivated to do nothing today.
Do strippers have nightmares about going to work fully clothed?
Nothing livens up a speed dating event like a whoopie cushion.
I don't really "wrap" presents. I just kind of smother them with paper and tape until they stop resisting.
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