If the image of a koala bear astronaut eating tacos in space doesn't make you smile, seek a therapist.
The best way to "baby proof" your house is to wear a condom.
I love Christmas because I can point at people & scream, "HO! HO! HO!" & claim I was just being festive.
A pessimist is merely someone who recognizes that every silver lining is attached to a cloud.
"It's like sending mean-spirited telegraphs to thousands of strangers." (How I explain Twitter to old people.)
It isn't that I'm not a people person, I'm just not a stupid people person.
An avalanche happens when all hill breaks loose.