I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me!
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
Male bats have the highest rate of homosexuality then any other mammal. Well, that explains Edward...
Constipation and procrastination are similar. In both conditions you don't give a crap.
Dear College Kids, I've been doing all your papers since freshmen year...give me some money. Love, Wikipedia
The moment for calm and rational discussion has passed. Now is the time for senseless bickering.
If a vampire bites a zombie, will it turn into a zombie or will the zombie turn into a vampire?