WTF Statuses

I won’t take a bullet for anyone because if I have time to jump in front of a bullet, you have time to move.
Why aren't lawyers sworn to tell the truth along with everyone else at the proceedings?
The NBA is back to play the remaining 75% of the season. Which is perfect for LeBron James because he only plays 3 quarters anyway.
I was expelled from school on pajama day. Not my fault I sleep naked.
Thanks for reminding me to "have a safe trip." I was going to roll down a cliff and let the river float me to my destination. Close call.
Lots of people complain about their looks. But not nearly enough complain about their brains.
Autocorrect has been around for centuries. I got mine when I married my wife.
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