I want to steal your phone and change my contact name to "Nature". Then, I'll call you.
I'm done learning new things until someone can prove to me that we won't have Google forever.
It's smart how Freddy Krueger never attacked a community college. He knew he couldn't kill people whose dreams have already died.
According to my neighbor's journal, I have "boundary issues."
Before I get married, I plan to have my fiance run for president so any bad stuff he's done comes out.
Billion dollar idea: Make a prescription drug that gets rid of the side effects of all of the other prescription drugs.
Let's hope the jokes about Kim Kardashian's marriage don't last longer than Kim Kardashian's marriage.