The way I feel when a waiter brings my food is probably similar to the excitement of a dude on Maury who just got told he's not the father.
Happy Birthday, Google. What do you get the website that already has all of your personal data, banking info and browsing history?
Hey, army. You should probably camouflage your helicopters blue, not green.
Cleavage is like the sun. You can look, but it's dangerous to stare.
I refuse to eat any cured meats until I can find out what they were cured of.
If a car alarm blares for more than 9 seconds without a response, it should be perfectly legal to set the car on fire.
I think we should start calling it "uncommon sense" for the sake of accuracy.