Got the title for my Keanu Reeves biography: "Whoa! Is Me"
I think I'm going to learn how to play ukulele because I'm not nearly annoying enough.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
When the wife and I got married we vowed to uphold the Ten Commandments....She does 5 and I do the other 5.
When your girlfriend has Taylor Swift lyrics as her status, You know you've either done something very right or something very wrong.
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
If I had access to time travel, I'd use it to go back and cash in on some of those naps I was always refusing as a kid.