WTF Statuses

I'm gonna offer my boss some of my Top Ramen everyday until he feels sorry for me and gives me a raise.
With all the technology today, how is it possible that the "mullets make you look like a total tool" message has not made it to all people?
My mother in law asked me to join her LinkedIn network, which pretty much means I have to stay away from the entire internet for the rest of my life.
Please, everyone, listen to the first 30 seconds of Ke$ha's 'Blah Blah Blah' then lower your head in a moment of silence for my generation.
In Capitalism, Man exploits Man. In Communism, it's the other way around.
Don't get too excited if someone says your looks could stop traffic. A homeless man taking a dump in the middle of the street stops traffic.
I wonder where they find these people who have no clue that they can walk into a grocery store and buy a Klondike bar for $2.
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