Whenever I try to make "eggs over easy", I break the yolk. Henceforth, I am calling them "eggs over difficult".
I can never quite get over the irony of people fighting for the parking bay closest to the front door of the gym.
When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
Women shouldn't have children after forty. Because, really, forty children should be enough.
Saw a CNN story titled, "Is Sex Advice In 'Transformers 3' Better Than Nothing?" Turned off my computer. Lit my journalism degree on fire.
There's a 99% chance that you're awesome. Act like it.
Too many freaks, not enough circuses.