Don't tell us about that crappy song that's stuck in your head because that means it's stuck in our heads now too, you monster.
When the earthquake hit DC, the only person who didn't panic was Monica Lewinsky. She was already underneath a desk.
If they call diarrhea the "runs", why don't they call constipation the "stop"?
When a guy calls a girl "doll" is the correct response to call him an "action figure"?
I really don't understand why I can't have a unicorn on my fantasy football team.
If you think your cat loves you, just remember it would probably yawn and fall asleep while watching you get murdered with a rake.
Women say that men have it easy because we never experience childbirth. How the hell do they think we got here?