As a non-smoker, "Thank You for Not Smoking" signs make me want to be thanked for other stuff I'm not doing.
Just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellant. Now he'll never have friends.
I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.
I may look calm but in my head I've killed you more than three times.
Dear Sharks: You may get your own week on TV, but house cats get their own eternity on the internet.
I've met too many people to still call it "common sense."
The maintenance dude has no teeth. Aren't those easier to maintain than a whole building?