I felt kind of sad sitting in a restaurant alone eating lunch, then I saw a woman with 6 kids and I felt fucking awesome.
Adults never get excited anymore about how big I got since they last saw me :(
Dear Axe body spray, Please put a suggested serving size on your bottles. Sincerely, choking girls everywhere
Hmm… I wonder how people would react if I walked into SEA WORLD with a fishing pole?
You know that schizophrenic hobo that has nonsensical conversations with himself? That's Twitter in real life.
I don't care what they say, the first guy who milked a cow and drank it was a massive pervert.
I'm not worse at typing texts when drunk than normal, but the errors amuse me so much more that I send them anyway.