Why is no one ever the right amount of whelmed?
Xyuppi
Allow your children to believe in Santa Claus. You believe in essential oils and no one is ruining the magic for you .
Xyuppi
If you’re arguing loudly on your cell in public, please put it on speaker. I need to hear both side of the story.
Xyuppi
instead of a condom, carry a moist towelette in your wallet. You run into chicken wings a lot more offer than sex.
Xyuppi
I was drinking at a bar then I took a bus home. That doesn’t seems very odd to you but I’ve never driven a bus before
Florida
To my wife: We're not getting older. We're getting more interesting to medical professionals.
If you have 12 followers on Instagram, you’re unpopular. If you have 12 followers in real life, you’re the messiah.