WTF Statuses

I'm just glad chicken breast don't have nipples

First rule of Fast Food management: Always put the employee with the worst accent on the drive-thru.

Every loaf of bread is a tragic story about a field of grain that could have become beer but didn't.

It sucks being a grown up. Nobody tells you you did a good job when you eat all of your food.

Is it too much to hope that my good cholesterol will be a positive influence on my bad cholesterol?

I had so much fun last weekend. I got two drinks named after me.

I tried to remember the Macarena and wound up telling a deaf girl I screwed her husband.