Just itched my crotch while trying to swat a fly and four people told me I was a good dancer.
Sometimes I feel unqualified to be a parent and I call those times being awake.
Church is one of the few places you get on your knees BEFORE a guy gives you wine.
David & Victoria Beckham named their baby 'Harper Seven' which is a fantastic name for a band or a Terminator model but maybe not for a kid.
Do you think young girl squirrels ever date sewer rats to piss off their dads?
Why rappers haven't done a song over the beat a car alarm plays is beyond me.
Do they make "Kiss the meth cook" aprons? I wanna get a housewarming present for the inbred rednecks moving into the trailer next door.