Insightful Statuses

If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that it doesn't let you skip.

Last night I went to a "Testicular Cancer" survivor party. Everyone had a ball.

All I want for Christmas is an air hockey table. It will go great with my air guitar.

I really would like to take you to the movies. I will drop you off at 8 and pick you up at 10.

‪I have removed all the unhealthy food from my house. It was delicious. ‬

If I bought my balloon a 5 years ago for $1, how much could I sell it for when I adjust for inflation?

I just saved a ton of money on Christmas presents by discussing politics on Facebook.