WARNING PLEASE READ - I don't usually repost these but... If someone comes to your front door and asks you to remove your clothes and dance with your arms in the air, DO NOT do this, it is a scam, they just want to see you naked. Please copy and paste this to your status - I wish I had received this yesterday. I feel like an idiot now...
If reincarnation exists, the next level up from humans better be dinosaurs.
I felt kind of sad sitting in a restaurant alone eating lunch, then I saw a woman with 6 kids and I felt fucking awesome.
If you tweet a picture of a meal you're about to eat, you have to also tweet a pic of the dump you take the next day.
Adults never get excited anymore about how big I got since they last saw me :(
Hmm… I wonder how people would react if I walked into SEA WORLD with a fishing pole?
I'm not worse at typing texts when drunk than normal, but the errors amuse me so much more that I send them anyway.