Xyuppi
Jared began and ended his Subway career trying to get into smaller and smaller pants.
This would be the absolute perfect time to actually rob Ryan Lochte.
Xyuppi
Don't listen to Billy Joel's piano man. It turns out that making love to your Tonic & Gin will get you thrown out of the bar.
I was going to give you a dirty look but I see you already have one!
Xyuppi
Why has no one invented a button next to snooze which emails your boss to say you're gonna be late?
Florida
I do 5 sit ups every day. It may not seem like much, but there's only so many times you can hit the snooze button.
As a kid, I used to be afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I’m terrified of the electricity bill.