It's okay, Web MD. I don't really know what's wrong with me either.
Diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any.
The song "Take me out to the Ballgame" is sung almost exclusively by people who are already at a ballgame.
My dog acts like their entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
Sometimes I wonder if I could get away with murder, but then I remember I can’t even eat pancakes without getting syrup all over me.
I won’t come to your party unless you have an animal I can spend the whole time hanging out with.
Between the coffee and the cocaine, it looks like the mission of Colombia is to wake up the world.