Cyberbilly
The Bachelor is the show that answers the question "How much wine do you have to drink until the guy making out with twenty different women seems like he'd make a good husband?"
Cyberbilly
I think all the women who don't get a rose on the Bachelor should at least get a cat as a consolation prize.
Cyberbilly
Kissing a sleeping woman in an animated Disney movie is romantic but do it on a bus and the judge doesn't agree.
Cyberbilly
It's funny how things change when you get older. It seems like just yesterday I would spend my evenings on the front porch and treat myself to some killer weed. Now I spend my evenings in the front yard treating it with weed killer.
Cyberbilly
My wife texted me that she was not wearing any underwear. When I got home she was mad at me because I hadn't done the laundry in two weeks.
Cyberbilly
I want to lose weight, but I don't want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we're together now.