Just saw an ad for a tampon with the tagline "Gives better protection. Period." I normally approve of puns, but that's just a bloody disgrace...
Women are like countries: I've been inside 2 of them. One just because I was born there.
On the off chance I'm captured by cannibals, I've got a 'Best if eaten by 1975' tattoo on my neck.
If "wings" mean "diabetes" then yes, Red Bull gave me that.
Hipster farmers don't harvest crops because they're only cool when they're underground.
It must be impossible for penguins to enjoy Casual Fridays.
Two days until JK Rowling announces her new Harry Potter venture! My guess: a book called "Harry Potter and the Big Bags of Cashzkaban."